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Preemie Books
Living Miracles: Stories of Hope from Parents of Premature Babies
by Kimberly Powell &
Kim Wilson
Life on the Reflux Roller Coaster
by Roni Maclean
The
Pregnancy Bed Rest Book by Amy E Tracy, Richard H Schwarz
The
Preemie Parents Companion: The Essential Guide to Caring for Your Premature Baby
in the Hospital, at Home, and Through the First Years by Susan L Madden M.S,
William Sears MD, Jane E Stewart MD
| | Reprinted
with permission from Kerry Bone.
Those Special First Visits
by Kerry Bone
Fear never robs
Tomorrow of its Sorrow
Fear robs
Today of its Strength.
Welcome to the world of premature
babies! You have just had a preemie and will be surely visiting them as often as
you can. Treat this information like tips from an insider. Hopefully it can help
ease you through the first week of visits to see your new baby.
The first few times you come to visit your new baby will probably be stressful,
scary, frustrating, disappointing, and depressing. These feelings are all normal
and to be expected when you deliver prematurely.
Some emotions you might encounter...You can feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount
of medical equipment - all attached to your baby, the constant activity of
nurses and doctors - like some emergency room show, and the after effects of the
entire birth process, which was most probably quite scary and unexpected. You
may be scared of the procedures your baby is undergoing and scared of what may
happen to them. You may feel frustrated that you seem so helpless to your new
baby, and also frustrated that you don't feel physically well and require help
to even make it down to the nursery to visit. You may feel disappointed that
your baby does not resemble the picture you had envisioned during pregnancy. You
may feel shocked that the pregnancy is really over and you are now a parent. You
may feel depressed at the loss of a normal childbirth, an easy baby, and the
uncertainty of the near and distant future.
You may also feel joy, elation and happiness intermingled with these other
thoughts. You may feel joyous at the birth. You may feel lots of affection and a
strong bond of love towards your baby. You may feel like telling the world about
your birth - having everyone celebrate the arrival of your baby. You may also
feel guilty when you have these joyous thoughts, like you should not be celebrating
and rejoicing when your child is so sick. But they too are normal! It is right
to feel this way!
You may get angry...
at what happened...at your spouse, your family, your friends...your doctor for
not preventing this...your God... your world...yourself. You may get angry when
people don't know what to say to you - condolences or congratulations. You may
get angry when people act as if nothing happened. You may get angry when you
realize this won't end anytime soon.
You may feel like you can bargain for the health of your baby. If you promise to
do this, then please let my baby (fill in the blank) grow, get better, eat, not
require surgery, see, hear, be normal, live. You may find yourself making
"deals" with God and higher powers you believe in. You may tell God
that you will handle whatever he gives you, but please just give you your baby,
just this once...
You may distance yourself from your baby, choosing not to bond too closely or
fall in love with a baby who just might not make it. You may want to put off
naming your baby, just in case. You may refrain from visiting or looking at his
photos. You may not want to share the news with others.
All these feelings are SO NORMAL and something that nearly every parent of a
premature baby feels at some time or another. You may wonder, though, that no
one else has ever felt the way you do. No one else could ever be scared about
touching their baby, no one else would "save" a great baby name for a
child who has a better chance, no one else would not cry for 4 days straight and
joke around. But you are wrong, tons of us have thought these thoughts and
others just as heartwrenching when we had our preemies. You need to know you
are not crazy, strange, abnormal or alone, you are experiencing very real and
common reactions to having a preemie.
Now you are probably saying..."How will I ever deal with these
feelings?"
The first step is realizing that what you are feeling, saying, doing, is normal
and to be expected. There is no one right way to go through the experience of
having a preemie, and everyone will do it a little differently. Although they
each do it a little differently, most of the reactions and emotions are the
same.
It can help just knowing what is common when battling this trauma. Reading this
guide is a first step. Try talking with other parents in the NICU. You can
approach them as you are entering, when you are scrubbing, when you are sitting
in the nursery. You will be surprised at how alone they too feel, and how unsure
and scared of the whole NICU trip. You will probably be amazed at how readily
friendships are formed in the NICU, because other parents need you as much as
you need them.
Another route to meeting with preemie parents - support groups and support
families. Support groups are usually run by the Social Worker in the NICU. Check
with her to find out. Support families have graduate babies who traveled a
similar route to your child. They are available for phone calls, visits, and
reassurance. Again your Social Worker will probably connect you with a support
family.
If you have internet access, try joining one of the many preemie discussion
groups on the web. The best place to start looking for one is Tommy's
CyberNursery Preemie Web - Front Door...at http://www.kingproductions.com.
The support and understanding offered by other parents at these websites is
invaluable during your child's NICU stay, and after.
Finally, check out premature baby books. For an all-encompassing list try Mary
Searcy's Resources for
Parents of Preemies . Often these books can be difficult to find in
bookstores when you need them and have to be special ordered. But they do offer
guides to coping, as well as clear explanations of what your baby is likely to
encounter, and are truly worth locating. If your local store does not carry
these books, try contacting Birth and Life Bookstore, 141 Commercial Street NE,
Salem, OR 97301, customer service and catalog requests (503) 371-4445, orders
(800) 443-9942, fax (503) 371-5395.
or Centering Corporation, 1531 N Saddle Creek Road, Omaha, NE 68104, phone (402)
553-1200, fax (402) 553-0507.
And don't miss out on reading Holland
, which offers a different perspective on becoming a preemie parent.
Copyright © 2000 Kerry Bone
Kerry
Bone is mom to two preemies; Tyler, born at 31 weeks in October 96, and Kaitlyn,
born at 35 weeks in January 2000. She writes about preemie issues and leads
parent groups at local hospitals when there is free time. She is currently
working with the March of Dimes to develop a NICU parent packet.
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